So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
