After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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