Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
