That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
