3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
