my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
