I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
