i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
