Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
