ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
