I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
