Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
