I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
