I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
