Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
