I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
