grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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