A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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