I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
