hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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