thus making me awesome and them whores
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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