You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
