i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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