Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
