strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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