He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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