i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
