the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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