i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
