well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
