I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
