Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
