i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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