look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
