she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
