it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
