That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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