I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
