I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
