ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
