just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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