he wants to bone in the snuggie
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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