i permit you to call me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
