i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
