Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
