I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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