As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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