i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
