as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
