I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
