life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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