She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
