i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
