hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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