I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
