I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
