he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
