i just wanna soil my oats bro
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
